Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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