Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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