my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Randomize
