Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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