the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh god it's open bar.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
