I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
