And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
