Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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