I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
worst night to have a conscience
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
