I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
