I accidentally had phone sex last night
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
