butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Randomize
