You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
