my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
