overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
