I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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