i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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