one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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