If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
