It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
