Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
