Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
