do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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