Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
