I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The air was thick with penises
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
