last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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