Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
