He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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