i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We're too hungover to prance.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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