And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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