cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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