"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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