Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I love you. Go after that dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
