Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Randomize
