Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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