He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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