he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
