But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
