Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
