so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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