Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I need to calm my uterus...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
