So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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