he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
