At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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