All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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