why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
