I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
