A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
