She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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