just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
