So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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