I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
