Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
