i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
