Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
