you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
