I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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