Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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