I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
