Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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