I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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