One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
