Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
