I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
