I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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