I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
