we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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