I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
high people should be assigned attendants
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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