The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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