i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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