what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
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Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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