Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
