We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
