Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
