I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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