So drunk, too bad you don't want this
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
