I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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