It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
