My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
