I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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