saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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